>> Custody of the impact of war on children

* Source: Happy Mummy single parent living network

According to the study: when the guardianship by the party to deal with, the child will those troubled occurs has not been determined, but some research results are worth noting:　

To get custody of the children, not the victory

According to the investigation report, if the child at an early age Jibei deprived of contact with the mother, it was raised in an orphanage for future physical and mental development of the child, the result of serious and can not be reversed. The child is a very short period of time, physically and mentally to withstand the inevitable to more painful and more unfavorable than adults suffering.

Children were abruptly detached taste with the father or the mother, not only to harm the children's souls, but also to change the child part of the social activities of the important causes. Therefore, because of the death led to separation rather than the result of divorce and separate, the children can better accept it. If the "death" of the case, the children that there are other family members support each other, to make up for his sense of loss. But the divorce of their parents due to separation, often represents never likely to compound the sense of loss. In addition, children may also become the the parents stop confrontation fuse. And no matter who wins and who loses, no good for kids. The parents divorce continuous bound kids still exist, the results will lead to a distorted relationship of the family to each other. As the children grew older, these shackles With the change.

Most mothers to pay more for their children, so they are usually the children closest dependent persons. However, whether the mother is a really important role in the eyes of a child may not necessarily. Lost a father or mother, and injury to children have equal effectiveness. Some adolescent girls due to the early years of losing his father, unable to meet his father's desire, so be mother could not understand or hostile attitude. Homosexual behavior, sometimes an inability to adapt to the response of one of the parents to leave.

Parents now relatively small number of children, and children, between strong intimacy. Once the divorce, the children will be especially strongly felt to leave a party's being a parent. So let the children more than the father or mother of the separate communication and close better have a positive effect on children.

The two psychologists had to do research to $ 1.3 a well-behaved children of divorce. -Year-old and a half to 18 years old were the divorce of their parents, the survey hi access to their parents' divorce a year later; two years later, even after five years of behavior and feelings. These children have contingent gradually pressure of psychological distress, still showing the correct and regular life at school.

Father or mother, are equally important

If the parents divorce occurs in children of different ages, the children also have a different impact. Year after divorce, children of different ages have different degree of difficulties to adapt to the environment will change over time, the general situation will improve. Most all of the case after the divorce of their parents still conflicting scold each other, which will not only hurt the children, will block the effectiveness of the intimate relationship of children with their parents.

Preschool children, the relationship between the most afraid of and protection of people (usually the mother) will collapse. But on the relationship with his father, the survey of 44% of the children are still strong feelings of the father, mother obstruct, influence of the father of the child is still large. In other words, pre-school children in the first year after the divorce of their parents, the parents were not among the tiger and feelings are still evident, emotional Zhuang force nor less, and children in contact with his father, made ??him extremely vulnerable mothers continue scolding.

As for the 16-year-old youth, 19 percent will not change of their behavior, you can still use the usual attitude to face the divorce of their parents; 62% will use complex emotions, anxiety or playful to facing their sense of loss;the other 19% by the "pretend the adults calm reaction to cover up the future unrest. However, they can improve the mentality of the retreat, and to maintain affectionate relationship with their parents.

More than five children, especially boys, to communicate more with his father is very important. Be accessed Boxing children were the only two uncomplainingly not in contact with the father. When the mother remarried, the new father serves them unusually satisfaction, single parent children will be eager mother remarried. Introduction of most children, once every two weeks meeting with his father is not enough, they hope to be able to see his father frequented father living. Visible role of the father, regardless of how important biological father or stepfather.

The beginning of the divorce, their children because of the painful experience of the individual, and the parents divorce critique. Later will be used to seek the support of others, homemade or evade other methods to resolve their inner anxiety. These are actually exclusive, helpless or lonely positive breakthrough.

Adolescent children for a rational separation of parents, through the acts of self-made to change the original sense of helplessness, and sometimes it will promote their independence and maturity. Conflict with parents of such children keep their distance, and how much will objectively evaluate the behavior of both parents, they are less likely to intervene in parents accused each other and quarrel.

Therefore, even if the relationship between the child and the parents divorce after five years, not because of emotional reasons and reduced. Although the mother get children Supervisor Wo rights, taking care of the child's body and mind will promote the harmony of the mother and child (female), however, psychological counseling role of the father of the children does not decrease.

In addition, when the marriage raising children have a positive attitude, conflict inevitably reduced. His father, if the mood is quite mature, willing contact with the child, but also make a more harmonious relationship between mother and child. Conversely, if the father of low self-control, and more contact with the children but will damage relations, and will obstruct the child's personality development. Like grandparents, brothers, close friend will also affect the mother-child relationship, not accidentally.