>> Marriage, Do not try to change each other

The Ye Gaofang love Association

A person often when seeking a partner before marriage, there is a seek complementary ideas, such as A moves fast, but is coming to a certain degree, often too impulsive, sometimes inevitably accidentally went wrong. A discovery one day a girl is kind of slowly, very athletic types, those who want to be a decision, it will find a variety of detailed information, and repeated the analysis, and then make a decision. Every decision to let A feel very, very good, she was deeply attracted. So sometimes with the opposite sex, there is often a seek complementary expectations of us within the heart. In this mood, the two sides easily like iron absorption "card" you suck.

A person often when seeking a partner before marriage, there is a seek complementary ideas, such as A moves fast, but is coming to a certain degree, often too impulsive, sometimes inevitably accidentally went wrong. A discovery one day a girl is kind of slowly, very athletic types, those who want to be a decision, it will find a variety of detailed information, and repeated the analysis, and then make a decision. Every decision to let A feel very, very good, she was deeply attracted. So sometimes with the opposite sex, there is often a seek complementary expectations of us within the heart. In this mood, the two sides easily like iron absorption "card" you suck.

Fast action, often more anxious personality, so when after a period of time after marriage, if he does not enjoy the advantage of slow movements, began to find fault with each other's shortcomings, motionless, said: "Man, I can not stand!" ManyThe people do not pay attention, it will fall into these cases. Otherwise, why not a person in a marriage when you want a divorce, but there are so many darling become estranged couple? Of course, for many reasons, but from the character perspective, often because a lot of people need each other before marriage advantages to make up for their shortcomings, after marriage, but they ignore each other's advantages, but only to be excluded due to the shortcomings of the other advantages behind.

How we should do it? Must use their advantages to make up for the shortcomings of the other advantages behind, so we never complementary forever in attraction, and never grow. Of course, in addition to this layer to understand, but also consider their own do not have this capability. Because some of the personality is not so easy to get along with others, they do not regard themselves as too high, because the two people often look in premarital and marriage see a big gap. I often mention an example, that newlyweds they become a couple lunches to eat in the restaurant, the groom eat very pleased, but the bride is more to see the groom hearts the more muttering as she felt the groom dinner look ugly good and loud, she can not stand, just like the groom say: "Hey! eat out Hush, a horrible!"

Talked about the third time, the groom said: "Ouch! How do you engage in? Today to eat like this. To our previously eaten many meals together, you never speak to me. Ouch! Peoplesaid that when Mrs. nagging you is like this. bride is such a say, blurted out a heart: "ah! premarital dinner when I see you eat like that very personalbut today, the more I see the more you like a pig public premarital boys eat girls feel personalized marriage then? You think you can not endure.

Another example: I have often mentioned a wife married less than a year, it came to me that she wanted a divorce. I asked her: "Why?" Because she can not stand smelly mess. I hear the most specific grounds for divorce. Later, Mr. he did untidiness constantly dirty dirty mess, but he knew his wife was with him a divorce, to know the grounds for divorce; I was to face him a little good impression, because there are a lot of Mr. divorce his wife with him do not know the reason, much less know; he was very clear, this is not easy. But he'll be a little aggrieved look, said: "But I grew up on this, has been a smelly mess, childhood, my mother often scolded me." He was such a speaking, I asked his wife: "You when to know Mr. Mercedes Benz? "

She said: "when we fall in love, one day made ??an appointment to go to movies, so early into his quarters, it is the first time I entered his room, and when I saw he was a dirtymessy people, the whole room is indeed the people can not stand her reaction is to tell the boyfriend to change the look of a movie, then she spent a full two and a half hours to help her boyfriend cleaning, finishing, cleaning, hestinky clothes smelly socks take wash. When she was talking about, I was so touched, he asked her: "Are you at that time thought what?" She said: "I thought to myself: this boy does a very sloppy character does not love to clean, and very dirty, but not relations, as long as I marry him one day I have to change overnight. "good great idea: Just marry me, there must be a way to change over.

In fact, less than a year, she can not stand it. Perhaps the wife should change their dirty accepted degrees, instead of forcing her husband to change. Like her husband, his life so powerless to change. Identified character, although there is no absolute standard, but it is very important not to overlook some character is not easy to change, do not overestimate myself, think that they must adapt won, and even have the idea to change the other character . In fact, we have to change, though not impossible but really difficult.

If a lifetime so we want to, we have no way to accept? If the other side be able to change, thank God! However, if the other party is not able to change, we can not be able to lifetime accepted? There are many people today, is to overestimate their own thing, that love can overcome everything, love can change everything, and finally the end to come to the point where they can not stand. In fact, the couple get along first hurdle is that we want to accept each other began. Frankly speaking, each of us has some shortcomings, we can not require a completely different person, and only can accept each other.

When in a foreign country, I met a man and a woman came to me to do the pre-marriage counseling, because after two weeks of them, going back to a civil marriage. So we met I directly asked them: "You're getting married two weeks later, then we hurry to talk about before they get married, you have found the other shortcomings?" They hear that I'm asking, and it seems a bit surprised two each other looks around, his face a very embarrassing way, I told them: "Because you are about to get married, both sides must have found each other a lot of advantages, but you have to know each other's shortcomings, so by this week to the next week, the two of you to do a homework is retrospect you have to carry the two, the past three years, have known each other how much disadvantage, write it down, and I hope you will be able to write at least five. "

The second week, I thought they would not come, but still to and cooperation everyone pay a small paper, everyone wrote ten over each other's shortcomings. I spent a lot of time, 11 turns to tell each other to listen, at this point in time, and sometimes the other listened to has been bowing, sometimes the other side will ask: "how could this happen?" Sometimes excuse , even angry: ah! "this how my shortcomings? misunderstood." even several times almost to quarrel, and finally I asked them: "now you have to do not with so many disadvantages to marry?" they were forced to hold their hands, and blessed them, pray nodded.

In fact, we have shortcomings, but you must first understand before they get married, understanding, consider that there is no way to accept, not wishful thinking can change each other.